"To Thine Own Self Be True"

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the saying “To thine own self be true.”  I realized that I haven’t been. Why? Because I don’t even know who I am as an individual anymore. I became a wife 13 years ago and thought that meant I should leave myself behind and take up the role of half a couple. Then when my three kids came along over the years, my role as wife became secondary to my new role as mother. It was easy to fill up my time as mother, and sparingly wife, and I thought that my days as an individual were all behind me. Fast forward a few more years and I am realizing my BIG mistake, but it is not irreparable. I came into this world as a daughter of God. That is who I am. My relationship with Him is my greatest role. It is amazing to have a close relationship with someone who loves you so completely, wants the best for you, and oh yeah… is perfect and worthy of complete trust. 

I realized I need to start at the beginning of my priorities again. I realized that when I add roles to my life, they should not necessarily overshadow the other parts of me. It wasn’t fair to me to ignore myself and become only a “wife.” Just as it wasn’t right for me to ignore my role as wife to become only a “mother.” I would be a better wife and mother if I strengthened my relationship with God and was true to myself.  I am discovering the things I enjoy, and the things that strengthen me. I love being a wife and mother, and I am finding that I love being me.

A Phoenix is Born

When I was a little girl, I loved all things mythological... unicorns, dragons, mermaids...I couldn't get enough of the stuff. I believed that I was stronger than I realized. I believed that I had incredible power to do good with my life. I believed that nothing could hurt me.  But somewhere along the way each of those beliefs were crushed. Things started to hurt me, and I let that affect me more than I should have. Fast forward twenty years and I came to a point in my life where I felt burnt, destroyed, like a pile of useless dust. Through the love and grace of God I found out that I was like the mythical creatures I'd always dreamed of. I was stronger than I realized and I did have an incredible power to do good with my life. I was a Phoenix, reborn of the ashes of my pain into something more than I was before. Yes I did still feel pain, but I knew that it wouldn't destroy me. I could rise above it. I started this blog because I felt the power of sharing in reading the bogs of my sisters in Christ. These are the thoughts of a Crimson Phoenix.